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Symptoms: sensory seeking • executive dysfunction
forgetfulness • sensory processing disorder • audio processing disorder • shutdowns & meltdowns • burnout
regression • emotional dysregulation • social deficits
communication issues • obsessive interests • OCD
bipolar disorder • anxiety • GI issues • dyspraxia • tics
echolalia • palilalia • time blindness • speech loss • etc.
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Experience: i was always...weird. during my childhood. i never really had any friends. i seemed to struggle a lot with things other people didn't. i was shy, and had strange interests, and had a hard time in school. i never really understood why i kept doing things wrong. why everyone was always so mad at me. why i always felt so alone. it was hard. it was depressing! a 9 year old girl shouldn't think about killing herself. i feel so sorry for her.

my history with neurodivergence has been a rocky one. it's been hard for me over the years to even accept that something so vital could have been missed during my childhood. like, why do i have to take care of it all now, by myself? it's a little hard to do on your own!

when i was around 17, i finally started figuring things out. i was seeing a lot of things online that i really related to - even down to the specifics like making lists, or being clumsy, or light & sound sensitivity. i decided to take initiative - obviously no one else was going to.

i'm still not really sure if roping my parents into it from the beginning was a good idea. they didn't believe me, of course. that would mean they failed me, in some way or another - that they weren't as attentive as they perhaps should have been. it took a lot of ridicule before i finally convinced one of them to help me get tested.

i was just about to turn 18. do you know how many people are willing to test people over 18? NEXT TO NONE! it took forever to find someplace. my psychiatrist at the time finally ended up pointing me towards a couple that might be able. however, she didn't really agree that i could be autistic, or even ADHD - she said i was "too creative."

we eventually ended up going to the autism center at my hometown's college. it was quickly apparent that they're only used to seeing little white boys that don't make eye contact or respond to their names. no hate to the little boys, ofc. it's just...i was not a little boy. ugh.

i remember being taken into a room while my dad got interviewed separately. there were two women in there, and they sat me down and had me do some activities - like making up a story with a few small toys, or miming brushing my teeth. it was all kinda weird. i wasn't really asked anything, or given a chance to talk to them like the almost-adult i was. afterwards, my dad even told me he only thought about my much younger cousin the whole time. obviouslty, this was not the place for me.

i ended up not meeting their criteria. i tried to convince my parents a bit more, but soon i realized that it was just entirely futile. i was only making a fool of myself. thank god i was just about to move out of the house. i'd had enough frustrated and embarrassed tears to last a lifetime. it really damaged our relationship, i think.

a diagnosis kind of moved to the backburner for a bit. college was hard, but with the amount of like-minded people around me, it wasn't so hard to make friends. i was finally growing out of my childhood anxiety and felt more comfortable taking accommodations into my own hands. i was amazed at what some noise protecting headphones and some chewable jewelry could do.

weeks turned into months turned into years. harder classes came up. physical health problems came up. i had to drop out, despite all the blood sweat in tears i put in. it was devastating. however, finally having the time to diagnose and treat my rapidly deteriotating body freed up an opportunity to rest, and turned my mind to things that weren't just pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.

as of writing this, i'm 26. nearly 10 years since i tried to get some help. treating my chronic illnesses has been great. live-saving, even. but - my neurodivergency hasn't exactly gone anywhere. 2 of my closest friends were recently diagnosed with ASD. another with ADHD - me too on that one, but with a medicine conflict, i can't get treated. i see myself in them. i quickly burnout.

it's been hard. really hard! i shoved it down for so long it's been difficult to let it back out. i'm still saddened by the fact that all the adults in my life as a child ignored me. but i don't wanna let it go. i want to embrace this part of me. i need to! i might as well try one more time.

my partner has been helping me find a proper answer after all this time. my friends are helping too. i guess i'll check back in when i finally have some closure.

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Symptoms: allodynia • tender spots • IBS • pain sensitivity • temperature dysregulation • fatigue • POTS
migraines • brain fog • insomnia • neuropathy • spasms
nausea • painful periods • allergies • memory loss
widespread pain • hair loss • depression • etc.
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Experience: blah blah blah

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Symptoms: joint pain • cracking joints • stiffness • TMJ
bone spurs • nerve pinches • degeneration • grating sensations • joint misalignment • reduced mobility • etc.
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Experience: blah blah blah

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Symptoms: pain • cognitive dysfunction • hypersomnia
sore throat • muscle weakness • exercise intolerance
post-exertional malaise • dizziness • low-grade fevers
light/sound sensitivity • unrefreshing sleep • etc.
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Experience: blah blah blah